Best Excuses to Get out of Going to Work. Especially on a Monday

Monday's are brutal...wouldn't it be great if they were part of the weekend?  Don't you just wish you didn't have to make up a lame excuse to skip out on work so you could just chill out and enjoy a fat day to catch up on a few season's of House MD on Netflix?  

We do too.  We got to thinking about good excuses to avoid having to work...we came up with a few beauties...Thank you Interweb!

So - in our time of goofy reflection, we have put together a list of the best "Excuses" for missing work.  

These are meant to be a giggle - we hope you don't actually use these!



I took a combination of Prozac and Ex-Lax on a dare...I feel like crap but I don't mind.

I can't come in to work today because I stepped on my glasses and can't see.

Sorry I'm late, I was at a job interview.   
I was doing the "ice bucket challenge" using my Curb Side Garbage buddy let it go off the roof and it landed on my head. 
My grandfather's body is being exhumed for a police investigation.    


I woke up in a great mood and didn't want to ruin it by going to work.


I was on the way in to work but missed my turn and decided to keep driving.   
The voices in my head told me to clean all the guns today. 
May not be in to work this week.  My mother-in-law fell down the stairs and died from the fall - I'm a suspect. 


I couldn't figure out to set the time on my microwave clock. 
I ate too much at a party last night and now I feel awful. 
My kids were playing with my car keys and now I can't find them...I can't find my keys either.


The cable company is coming today sometime between 9:00am and 4:30pm.    


My wife came home early last night and found me in bed with another woman...that and I have a few other errands to run.   
Daylight Savings Time confuses me, I thought it was Spring Back, Fall Forward.    


I developed an allergy to Alcohol and broke out in handcuffs.


I've gone blind and I just can't see myself coming in to work today.    


Won't be in to work today, I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang...I answered the iron.   
I was sitting on the toilet too long and my legs fell asleep...when I stood up I fell and broke my ankle.