DISCLAIMER: You just know itÕs gonna be good when you see the word ÒDISCLAIMERÓ to start! Hahaha! What you are about to read is my personal take on the exciting experience referred to as, ÒMovingÓ. Keep in mind, I love to rant Ð and most of what you are going to read has been intentionally composed with a Òtongue in cheekÓ overtone. Please enjoy responsibly! Ñ Moving Ð In a word, it SUCKS! Packing: Where to Start?! Can I just toss out some of this stuff? Maybe leave it as a Bonus for the people moving in? Wrapping Glass Ware: Wrap carefullyÉafter all you donÕt want to break the dishes or your auntÕs ÒPig FigurineÓ collection or those DUMB ÒPrecious MomentsÓ knick knacks! Organizing a Moving Party: You know these guysÉthe ones who say, ÒYou can call on Me! I will help you Move!ÓÉand usually these are the guys that never show upÉyou know who you are! Cleaning Up: ItÕs bad enough you have to pack up every roomÉnow you have to clean it?! Totally unacceptable! Well -Suck it Up Princess Ð get the Swiffer! Loading Vehicles: As much as we want to avoid it Ð we usually end up doing itÉunless you hire one of those fancy Moving Companies. But even thenÉthere are those ÒSpecial ThingsÓ we need to move ourselvesÉyou know what IÕm talking aboutÉthe ÒSpecial Things!Ó (I wonÕt say anymore on the subjectÉfor fear I may incriminate myself! Hahaha!) Carrying the Couch: This is usually a ÒOne Part TetrisÓ and ÒTwenty Parts Cursing!Ó You nearly need an engineering degree just to fit one of these things through the Front Door! Carrying the Hide-A-Bed Couch: All of the aboveÉAND ITÕS HEAVY! Not just heavyÉbut HEAVY! My God! Who thought this was a good idea to put in the BASEMENT! I love carrying HEAVY objects UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! I just canÕt wait to try to get it through the Front Door! CURSE YOU HIDE-A-BED Manufactures! Carrying the Dressers, Bed Side Tables, Beds: Not as bad as the CouchÉbut still a drag. You have to take out all the drawers, dismantle the bedÉoh, and letÕs talk about those AWESOME Steel Bed Frames! The ÒWall Gashers!Ó No matter how careful you areÉyou can count on hitting the wallÉand either making a sweet dent Ð or a dirty looking gouge. Moving is FUN! Keeping the Dog or the Kids Entertained: OkayÉPetÕs Ð toss Ôem in the kennel, or tie them up in the backyard Ð Easy! Kids on the other handÉyou shouldnÕt tie them up in the backyard. I am a parent Ð and I have had to move with KidsÉitÕs incredible how they pick the most in-opertune time to come and Òask you a questionÓ or Òneed your helpÓ. Usually you are on the bottom end of the dreaded Hide-A-Bed (CURSE YOU!!) and your 5 year old runs up behind you in a panic and says, ÒDAD! COME QUICK!!ÓÉtalk about being between a rock and hard placeÉyou canÕt just drop the couch Ð you immediately think that your childÕs life is in perilÉÓWhatÕs Wrong?Ó you askÉthen, the reply, ÒI found a bug!Ó. Yup Ð thatÕs what they do. The Drive to the New House: You have one guy driving with one arm out the window holding the mattress to the roof of the car (okay, so that actually has happened to meÉI admit Ð I am cheap.), and then you have your ÒbuddyÓ with all the ÒFragile/BreakableÓ items driving ahead of you like he is Mario Andretti and is urgent need of getting to a toilet (potty humourÉitÕs always funny)!! PAYING the Mover: It beats moving the Hide-A-BedÉbut it still sucks. Especially when you have calculated for 4 hours and they ÒsurpriseÓ you with a BONUS hour that you just didnÕt account for, making it 5 hoursÉIÕm not making this up eitherÉyou may get charged for a full hour for both their drive FROM their place of business and back TO their place of business! WhatÕs worse Ð these bandits wonÕt even open the door to unload the furniture until you pay in full! I love surprises. How about you? Unloading the Vehicles: Of course you start with Mario AndrettiÕs VehicleÉnot really Mario Ð just your idiot friend who thinks he is Mario. You just know something has to be broken! And surprisingly Ð nothing is broken, correction, nothing is ÒnoticeablyÓ brokenÉjust wait, itÕs comingÉsee ÒUnpackingÓ. Unpacking: You finally get to the new house, youÕve unloaded everything in to the empty homeÉand now itÕs time to put everything in itÕs designated spot. Everything is just fine. The dishes arenÕt broken, your AuntÕs figurines have made it, even the Flat Screen has made it without incident. Then you notice itÉthat prized possession that means so much to youÉitÕs broken. Why? ItÕs the eternal cosmic question Ð there is no answer. It just is. ItÕs always MY STUFF that GetÕs Broken! It never fails Ð when something breaks Ð itÕs usually mineÉand ÒNo.Ó, I did not break it. And nobody else knows what could have possibly happened! Cleaning Up: Yes, you had to do it at the old house Ð but guess what Ð the NEW home is likely not clean enough for your ÒINSERT FEMALE HEREÓ (wife, mother, mother in law, grandmother, etc), okay Ð so maybe itÕs unfair to point the finger at the ladies Ð but from my experienceÉand being a ÒFULL ON DUDEÓ Ð As long as there is no Òoffensive smellsÓ Ð I am good to go Ð Cleaning the new place become sÓoptionalÓ Ð it usually waits until ÒINSERT FEMALE HEREÓ comes along and makes me do it. Keeping Your Moving Buddies Sober: I admit it, I bribe my friends with the promise of Cold Beer if they help me move. The problem though is that my friends donÕt see it as a ÒrewardÓ for helping me, rather they see it as Ð ÒFREE BEER! GET AS MUCH NOW BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GETS HERE!!Ó Ð and this usually begins when they show upÉ.and apparently, 7:30 in the morning is Ònot too early for a beerÓ. Ñ There you have it. So, now that you know how I feel about movingÉplease donÕt ask me to help you move. Unless of course you have Free Beer!